|Divulgence, is SIN. Kids, Don't Ever Wallow!
||[Feb. 23rd, 2010|03:43 am]
(don't kill me please, i'm a brav)
Anyway, it's been an age old since i revisited,
and i apologise. So many of millions of things have
happened, to which, i must have seen coming,
despite the fact that 1/2 of it would be doings from
my self-inflicting arm, but we're all kids trying to
act our age, isn't that so? LAME EXCUSE. "tsk"
Ah well, the time came for me to lose a touch of my
loving sleep now cause a pretty darn close friends'
other half (they've been together for pretty much,
their entire lives) just went away, for good, the goodness
of GOD, to which, i inexplicable and if i should want to
debate myself (for GOD knows whatever reason) then, it
will suit for another time's post, or maybe never,
yeh, let's keep it to never.
It's so tiring to have to make decisions for yourself,
when some kids (mostly, they call themselves, adults, or
even, working individuals with a mind of a million lunatics,
'king-rat'-ting themselves into stupified, generalisational oblivion,
shit, where was i? My complete love for employing long,
everlasting sentences (probably subconscious defect, but
truly exasperating for the reader, i must feel...) Holy shit!
There i go again! Lost! KNN (in local terms probably an English
way of putting up a 'PAR' (Thanks ND) or maybe just give up a
grind on someone, push him to the side and take a negative
word by the arm of a maschette and twisting it.
What have i done here, or maybe more so, what hasn't gone the
way it should've! It's been 2 years, since i saw a steady,
trustworthy human being, and the one i happen to have found
some sort of comfort in... yeh, PAMM always keeps it simple,
don't i kids? I've always said, ever since my first heartbreak,
irrelevant now, as he may be, but always present in my memoirs,
that it's EASIER and SO MUCH MORE WORTH THE STRENGTH, to be
a friend, than anything else, cause with that, will eventually
spell "heart - fuckin - ache" on the letterboard, and no,
nobody gets a prize, no one will walk away with a free trip,
so why waste anyone's time? Like i used to say, up till somehow,
i had to sink into the levy of feeling "romance" or "love"
or some shit buttterfly analogy in my tummy and dryness in
throat bull they force into novels + movies. OHMYGAAAS!
It's official! I've sunk into the neverending story with that annoying
song that sticks in your head just like some crap LADY GAGA pulls
from her so-called, "performance fashion under garment"!
What in the world! Call lola! Call the Fire Department!
Wait.. while we're at it, Call Clint Eastwood! ... (pleeeease :}
NA NA NA.
Enough of nonsense! I've never felt so messed up in my entire
being, from head to heart, mind to talent in skill in my fingers,
i've never felt so under-achieved before the year passed it's age
of 2008. OH mothers, i keep awake most everyday to think about
the madness i've brewed over these two more-to-be-in-a-novel years,
than any other thing i should be concentrating on, which is my
work, and i hate that it's happened. Perhaps, this is what
experts call, a mental intrusion into a not-so-good-scenario,
that leads to being 25 and quarter-life-criseeeesed. (SPELLING CHECK!)
My word, i've never felt to self-absorbed than i have. I started
off trying to write about my friend's other half, and here i am,
bellowing about my own minor grief! And for what! Actually...
both events ride upon the subject of boys, oh my word.
Keep far, and keep further. Don't come nearer unless you feel,
you really want this. And i mean, more than anything else.
It was really painful to read nonsense, but will be even more,
if i just ignore them further, you think?
Maybe i AM stronger than that, HELL, i AM!
I will not weep for anything else other than my work.
And to my dearest friend, that sort of torment is unfair to
even a beast that rots in jail for killing a child. Nobody
should ever have to go through the loss of a loved one,
too dear to be stricken with any emotion.
Maybe one day, i will read this again, and laugh with my
long lost other. AND, mao, mos def. :]